Going through the article, I had asked myself the same question, "What are we heading for?”
The Mumbai Mirror carries a regular feature entitled, “Ask the expert". Glancing through the column, out of sheer curiosity to find out the kind of questions asked, I am shocked by the type of queries supposedly raised, on all kinds of sexual matters and even more shocked by the kind of responses given by the experts. And each time I cannot resist asking myself the same question, “What are we heading for?".
Erosion Of Values
But the obvious answer to this haunting question seems to be, that what we are undoubtedly heading for, is an inevitable collapse of our age-old value system, which we of the previous generation have cherished and continue to uphold. A value system which we, have endeavored and are endeavoring to inculcate in our children and grandchildren today, but against grave odds and tough resistance.
For what are the values being transmitted to our young people today by the media and by society at large? The messages are loud and clear: 'It is fine to copy and cheat in exams... but don't get caught.' 'it is great to have sex before marriage ... but make sure it's safe and protected. "Life is meant to be enjoyed. Have a bash! Enjoy yourself... before it is too late."
Our young people are in fact the victims of present circumstances. The increasing pressure to achieve in this increasingly competitive world of today lures them to strive to succeed at any cost, including resorting to copying and cheating in exams. The media, to which they are getting increasingly exposed, has become a sinister force for them to reckon with. Parents themselves often feel helpless in their efforts to control their young children's exposure to the media.
Negative Impact on Youth
Besides the print media with its provocative captions and scintillating pictures, we have the audio-visual media like television with its myriad channels (accessible in almost every home today), the video, the Internet with its increasing porn and restricted sites (now even encouraging cyber crime) and the glamour and glitter of the exciting ad world. All of these are exerting a frightening influence on our youth ...distorting their value-systems, reshaping their attitudes to love and to life and altering their relationships with their parents, peers and elders. In the light of the above-mentioned forces which our youth have to face and battle against, how can the family, Church and society help?
Crucial Role of Parents
Parents can play a key role. This necessitates, in the first place, a warm and close relationship between parents and children. It is my firm belief and conviction that this close relationship is built up and nurtured by acceptance, love, discipline, communication, friendship and our own relationships as husbands and wives. Love is the strongest need of every child and the foundation on which any relationship is built. This love between parent and child must have four dimensions ... a love that is unconditional ("I love you as you are."), a love that cares (that expresses itself in deed and action), a love that trusts ("I believe in you. Your word is enough for me.") and a love that forgives and asks forgiveness in return ("I am sorry I spoke to you so harshly. I did not mean to. Forgive me.") Discipline is another prime need. It must be remembered that "parenting is not a popularity contest." One does not need to be lax and permissive, in order to be appreciated and liked. On the contrary, discipline can best be explained as a 'loving firmness'. It implies setting limits of behavior and children appreciate when limits are set, because it shows them that you care about them. But these limits need to set and enforced from their earliest years.
Discipline then is a must and must be inculcated from the start. Controlling the kind of TV programmers they watch, the time of their going out and returning home. Being aware of the kind of company they keep, the material they read, the web sites they visit and talking 'with' them about these things is very essential. Friendship is the essence of today's parent-child relationships. With the formality of the past being rapidly replaced by the informality of the present, parents and children need to be friends with each other. Finally, it is our own relationship as spouses that strengthens and sustains our relationships with our children. When children see their own parents accepting each other, loving one another, being friends with and communicating freely with each other, it gives children security and their own love for each other spills over into the lives of their children. Hence it is so rightly said that, "the best gift that parents can give their children, is their own love for each other." Parents then can help best by cultivating between themselves and their children, a warm, close and open relationship built up through acceptance, love, discipline, communication, friendship and their own relationships as husband and wife.
Our young people today must be made aware of the forces they need to contend against (forces that may be impossible to control or change), but they need to be taught how to discern between what is right and wrong, leading to their making value-based decisions and choices. Today we have an abundance of well-informed and experienced Resource persons in our parishes and major cities, who could be involved in this training process. Efforts to direct the abundant energies of 'our youth into desirable, constructive channels, can also help. The downslide and eventual collapse of our cherished Value-System is evident. We have only one of two choices that we can make. We can either helplessly sit back or watch it happen, or we can decide to make a concerted effort to stem the rot, before it is too late. The choice is ours. It is for us to decide.
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